I'm a living breathing series of unfortunate events

Shortly.
On 16th January 2010,  my much loved and cared for Hp Pavilion dv4 notebook computer was stolen.
From my stupidly forgotten unlocked room in college.
I've thrown the blame card everywhere and nowhere. Everyone and no one. No one but me.
Damn it.
Damn that thief. Damn that effing slut of a bitch to hell and beyond.
She's "close". I don't know in what sense but "close" is the only clue I've got so far.
And where am I suppose to go from here? Cursing that shit of a person won't get me anywhere. It won't get me my laptop back.
I don't know man.
I just don't know anymore.

i do...but i don't

MUET result has been out since midnight on Monday.
I haven't checked mine yet. I've decided to only know my result through the letter they will send sooner or later to my house. I just want to do that.
Yes, even though they've all checked their results through sms.
Yes, even though they've all checked it through the website.
I refuse to know it any other way than through that fateful letter.
So I do beg of your honourable selves to not ask me repeatedly about it.
Do not persuade me to check it.
And most of all, DO NOT check it for me.

I do want to know my result...I really do.
There's just something in me that wants to see the result written in black and white on that official piece of paper. Conservative much?
It's not going to cause your world to end or something like that if you don't know my result, right?
So... wait. Just wait. Okay?
When I've got that result of mine...and when you ask me about it...I will say it aloud.

Target...well, the least I can accept is band 4, I think....5 and I would be on par with my eldest sister....6... and I'll be out of my mind. =p
Band 3 is...good, I guess...but that would be average right...and don't even talk to me about band 2 or 1.. Disastrous.
No offence to anybody. I'm just talking about how it is for me, myself, and I. If it's for anybody else, I'd sincerely forever be cheering them that whatever they got is good.

Whatever. Think what you may. Say what you think. Stand up to me to say it.

before that physics lab

First off. My morning was frantically unlucky. Tried to get a bit more done with my computing assignment, but not even the slightest bit of an idea came into my head. Sigh~ Got ready and I was already nearly late as it is... but I just couldn't find my friggin' purse! Aaaaarrgghhh!! Spent like 5 minutes searching for it to no success.


Oh shit. I'm gonna be late.

Walked to my faculty as fast as I could ever have done on these lazy legs.
Got there about 5-10 minutes after the supposed time. Thankfully the lecturer had just started.
And there I was. Dying for oxygen.
Walaweyh.....

Thank God the lecture ended an hour earlier. Even though I've no idea what to do with that space of time.
Still worried about my unfinished assignment due today.
But...
After the lecture ended, talks and questions about the assignment by my classmates just pressured me so damn much. I had to escape. Even just for a few. Please excuse me.

Then it was time for computing. From the lowest low of moods ever, what with the assignment and my still missing purse at the time, my fuse switched up.
As in my mood suddenly went a bit crazy.
Played around. Couldn't take what's being taught in class that seriously. Being silly.
Just tell me I'm a nutcase alright. I'll gladly and openly admit it. xP

Lunch. Just had instant soup. With assorted biscuits. Weird aren't I? hehe
Had to finish up that assignment and pass it up before 5 pm.
But before that, I'm gonna find that purse of mine. Something tells me it's somewhere below my bed... and how right that something is...=))

Okay, gotta go.
Conclusion......
Found my beloved purse.
Finished my assignment. Passed it up.
Mood kinda alright, for now.
Now, let's go to physics.....

when shit happens

OH DAMN.

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!!!!

OH GOD.

FOR REAL?

WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST TRY A BIT MORE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?! 

AAARRRGGGHHH 

THIS IS HOPELESS.

chew me up, spit me out

I hate PDAs...rich with mush...no not that electronic thing...that mushed up thing.
I hate it when people try to make it out as though they're great in english only to make themselves out as a grammaticality challenged show off. Just make your own language why don't ya?
I hate it when people are unappreciative.
I hate it when you don't admit it.
I hate it when people tell me something I already know. Like they're SUCH an expert at it. Goodness gracious.
I hate it when you ask me for a favour and then tell me off. Shut up about it.
I hate it when you talk to me like I don't really know what you are thinking.
I hate stupidity unnecessary to the situation.
I hate everyone and no one.
I hate everything and nothing.
I love you and I hate you.

we don't have to talk in the same language

1:28 pm, friday, 8th january 2010.
No more classes for the day.
Current music: Ruffedge - Lemas.

Told you my playlist is a genius in disguise. Sometimes I can be so in sync with it..some other times not so much.
I'm starting to feel the stress again. I've still got that damned lab report to finish. Have no idea what to write.
I've got assignments to do. Physics. I haven't really looked at the questions yet. Computing. Nearly done. Just the flowcharts, title page, and some other stuff.
And finally, there are a bunch of tests next week. Physics, Maths, and Computing. I just hope I can get more than 10 marks this time for Physics. I can be so stupid when it comes to physics. Sometimes I wonder how did I get into this course in the first place. I mean, both my physics and add maths were B...Most of the people in my course got A on at least one of them. I think I've yet to meet anyone who's got Bs on both of them...oh well. I'm already here. whatever...

Friends. Sigh. Problems here and there. You make me take back my thoughts on how I should learn to trust people more. I guess taking my time to truly trust somebody is what's best for me, after all. Yes, even though I have a number of friends, I don't think I can completely put my trust on even one of them. Promises are broken. Expectations vanished. What got left behind are just disappointment, and a thought along the lines of "I knew it".
Lately, I've been thinking. (Oh wow, big surprise there.) I can be somewhat possessive or clingy. Sometimes I have to feel needed. Sometimes I have to feel invisible. Sometimes I want to feel like I'm the one and only. Sometimes I just want to feel like part of the crowd.

I don't know, man. Maybe I shouldn't expect too much out of everyone. I should just expect the unexpected, or whatever they are saying these days. I should just learn to appreciate myself and everyone around me more each day. I would always try to fix those bad habits of mine. Even a sentence that was said to me can be dissected into a million pieces. I would think about it again and again, until I get to the bottom of it, and relate it to my behaviour or whatever. Then I'd be like "Oh. Right. I was like that, huh?". Even expressions can get to me. Even the silence shouts at me. Even when you just looked. Even when you didn't.

But...I don't know. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? I just feel like the effort of making the friendship lasts should go both ways... and I don't feel like there's that much effort around me. Is my shell too thick? Is it really that hard? Or is this just me being self-centered once more?

I'm not like what you may think of me. I'm just not. I may get you thinking. Even I get myself thinking most times. But then, when the thinking stops,will there be a part of me that leaves an impression on your minds?

I can predict your motives, your thoughts. It's all a blur but this dissecting mind just can't be stopped.
You want to use me? Do you really think I'm gonna let you do that so friggin easily? You can't be thinking that I don't get what you're trying to do are you?
Oh yeah, you may say I have trust issues, man, but guess what and who made it that way, honey. Just think.

There's something else bothering this heart of mine. (Yes, in fact, I do have one.) I don't know what. I don't know why. But it makes me feel sad. Even with all this typing...words..sentences...I still feel this burden inside. Why? I just want to know. Is it because of my friends? Family?  Is it because of myself? Or is there something being hidden away from me? Is it the future, present, or past...?